I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
