My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He told me they were just razor bumps!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
