she woke up with a sticky ear
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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