I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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