Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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