I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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