Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
