CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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