this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
His nipple licking is glorious
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