I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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