So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
