Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You don't make any sense
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