I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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