I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just want to make out with him forever
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
