break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
