Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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