i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
