I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
