best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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