Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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