I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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