If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
