I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
