pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Girls should come with a carfax report
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
