I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
