My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
