I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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