Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
