it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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