Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize