I showed him my bush... on skype.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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