i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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