so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
