Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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