Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
