i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
