Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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