i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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