Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
