My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
