just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
