I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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