btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
