Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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