Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
