Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
