And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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