whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You took a bar mat shot.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
