Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
