how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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