so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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