tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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