What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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