Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
