It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
