you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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