I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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