Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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