he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
