Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
