so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
