I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I intend to get homeless drunk
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I canβt handle this place without those handjobs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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