he wants to bone in the snuggie
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How's work?
Spinning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
