is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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