I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
