I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
