so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
