i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We left the knife in your bed.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
