He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
