the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
