I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
