i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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