Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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