Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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