i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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