omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
