I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
