You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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