I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
