I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
