after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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