I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
