First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
