I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
