I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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