I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
