i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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