I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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