dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
