you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
