Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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