If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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