now i know why i became what i already was.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
