my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
