we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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