on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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