God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
