The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
